1. You ask your friends for advice and they’re like, “Why? You already know what to do.” Yeah, you know you already have the best solution to your own problem, but you never think of it until you talk it through with your friends for 16 hours. It’s just your way.
2. When you get jealous, no one is better at being low-key jealous than you are. You’ll act like you never get jealous and nothing affects you, but then when you get home you’ll break, like, 25 plates because you swear your boyfriend is cheating and your roommate will be like, “What the hell is even happening? You said you didn’t care.” And you can’t even explain what happened because you already went back to being low-key again.
3. People think you’re really pessimistic, but actually you’re just realistic. You don’t see the glass as half full, but also you know that you’re almost out of whisky and will soon need more. That’s just a fact.
4. You can’t understand why anyone would ever settle for something that wasn’t perfect. You can be invited to a pretty cool party but if it’s not going to be incredible, you don’t want to go. Besides, you could just stay home with your nonstop amenities you keep in your home so you are living 100 percent at all times.
5. Almost no one is able to meet your Mt. Everest-high expectations. But the good thing is, they’re just as high for yourself, so if someone can’t meet them, you can just shout, “Yeah, well, neither can I, Casey. Neither can I.” And then you both feel better. Or worse, depending.
6. People never understand how you can be so truly independent. You know you don’t need anyone, which is great, but oftentimes this can lead you to forming an island within yourself, which leads to you talking to volleyballs and pretending they’re friends like Tom Hanks in Castaway but instead of a beach, it’s your apartment that you never leave because it’s so chill there.
7. Having people think you’re cold, but actually you just have a tough turtle shell to hide your squishy, secret emotions. Of all the signs in the zodiac, you really love to play it cool. When people meet you, you’re like an emotional fortress: It looks like you feel nothing for anyone and no one’s feelings for you make their way in. But really, you have a soft, mushy heart you only reveal to others on special occasions.
8. If someone wrongs you, you will carry that grudge like an Olympic torch for the rest of your life. Once that door to your heart/life closes, you put 60 locks on that shit because you and that person are D. O. N. E. You wish you could forgive and forget, but these locks just put themselves on the door, man. They really do.
9. You can’t imagine not giving someone something if they need it, even if it’s all you have. Tauruses tend to be really frugal for the most part but they’ll also be the first ones to really pull out some cash for something important. You might look for deals on pedicures, but if you know your friend could use $600 and it would change her life to have it and all you have is $700, you’ll give it to her.
10. Your friends know that when you keep a secret, it’s in a lockbox for life. Your boyfriend, your best friend, no matter who tries to get it out of you, never will. That secret about how Chelsea slept with Sara’s ex-boyfriend last year is never, ever leaving your mouth, not even if someone offers you chocolate and you really, really love chocolate. It’s that important to you.