They tell us that love just happens! That we fall into it. That we come upon it—and, even, that our wedding day will be just like any other with the ones we love. But that can’t be true, right? Our resident astrologers, The AstroTwins, look past all that rhetoric and show us what kinds of celebrations are really in store for each zodiac sign. We’ll toast to that.


Is Westminster Abbey available for rent? No apologies for the diva mode, Aries: this is YOUR day to be queen. Since all eyes will be on you, go bold with hair and makeup and hire the best photog. Then make it a royal affair with a 10-foot train, lavish ceremony, and flowers everywhere. All hail the bride!


Tradition, tradition! The bonds of love may spur a marriage, but weddings are about uniting families, as far as your rooted sign is concerned. Weave aspects of your heritage and VIP relatives into the ceremony—which might take place in a giant park or at an elegant winery.


OMG you’re committing. For life. Down some shots and then rent a chic loft in your favorite urban hotspot and hire the dopest of DJs. Invite guests to hang around for a few extra days so you can keep celebrating while you paint the town red.


#BlushingBride alert! You hate emoting in public, so stick to an intimate ceremony (just the two of you, even) where you can make your vows away from those prying eyes. Then fete your nuptials with a blowout reception at an oyster bar, or even a catered affair in your own backyard with chic, DIY decor.


Cirque du Soleil is coming to town! No, wait…it’s your wedding disguised as a trapeze performance. Entertainment value ranks high for your theatrical sign. Turn the aisle into your runway (your wedding dress is everything); then pack the “after party” with performances: a live band, a magician, even a fire spinner. Why the hell not?


Oh hi, Pinterest-perfect wedding. After a brief and simple ceremony under open skies, invite your people to a rustic barn, with a nature-driven decor scheme. Think: birch branches wrapped with fairy lights, flowers in vintage mason jars. Photograph everything (by Polaroid, even), because…Instagram.


You’re the zodiac’s ultimate romantic, and an artsy affair is right up your alley. Rent a gallery space or a quaint inn in a town with history. Hire a string quartet, read poetry before your vows, perfect that first dance. Hire a videographer so you can relive the magic over and over again.


What is up with this whole wedding obsession anyway? Your deeply private sign doesn’t exactly love the idea of being vulnerable in front of a huge crowd. You might just elope (to city hall or a tropical destination) for less nerve-jangling nuptials and then have the “show wedding” a month later. Wow in a plunging dress (#ScorpioStyle) but don’t overdo it with the champagne toasts or you could pass out before the consummation ritual.


A resort in Barbados, the banks of the Seine…or maybe Burning Man? When your commitment-shy sign decides to settle down, a destination wedding will make the marriage far more enticing. As a nature lover, you could woo friends to the woods for a rustic celebration, tent camping optional. Inject humor and play into the event with a bawdy toast (or full-on roast), ridiculous line dancing, and a photo booth.


High-end elegance, s’il vous plaît. If your dedicated sign is getting married, it’s #WifeyForLife. Splurge on a farm-to-table menu and a hand-selected pinot. You could wed in a historic mansion or haute country club with sprawling acres of property.

Family is your everything and they should be honored in the ceremony—just don’t let them dictate everything.


It’s not that you’re an anti-romantic, but the whole wedding thing seems kind of ridiculous to your bohemian, humanitarian ethos. Rather than be on stage, engage your community in the process. Invite musician friends to play a rock ‘n’ roll wedding march and writers to read original works about love; have your BFF get ordained online to wed you. You might even have a potluck-style meal. Conspicuous consumption is not your steeze. Register your Le Creuset pans, but pick a suggested charity for donation.


There won’t be a dry eye in the house when your enchanted evening as bride is through. You’ll be sobbing before you hit the aisle, so opt for a waterproof makeup scheme. Transport guests with a themed decor scheme: Under the Sea, A Midsummer Night’s Dream…sure, it might feel a little prom-ish, but if guests show up to the reception in costume, it will please you to no end. /The AstroTwins

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