When it comes to relationships, Cancers are either hot or cold. In their minds, they’re either lucky or unlucky.
It’s not uncommon for a Cancer to think that they keep stumbling into the same broken relationship again and again.
They may be involved with totally different people who look completely different and come from completely different backgrounds.
However, in the minds of Cancers, it seems that they are stuck in this role or bad romance novel that seems to play out the same way again and again.
If you think that your relationships will always end badly, guess what. They will end badly.
We are all products of our expectations. Never underestimate the power of your expectations.
Your expectations have a very sneaky way of influencing your reality. How can it not?
When you expect certain outcomes, it ultimately creeps into your thinking processes.
You might not be aware of it, but you start making decisions that lead to that outcome. Your worst fears become self-fulfilling prophecies.
If you are like the typical Cancer who doesn’t seem to have any good luck when it comes to relationships, you might want to look into this.
In fact, if you try to hope against hope that your next relationship will work out, chances are it would probably fail.
Chances are you are subconsciously trying to sweep many different fears under the rug.
You might think that you are getting a fresh start. You might think you are looking at your relationship and your love life with a completely fresh set of eyes.
Unfortunately, the only person you are fooling if you start thinking that way is yourself.
When it comes to fooling themselves, Cancers are quite adept. In fact, they’re masters of it.
They can just hope for the best and end up in the same bad relationship. They end up with the same pattern with very different people.
Ultimately, they head for the exit in the most dramatic way possible.
We’re not talking about nasty violent breakups. We’re not talking about very public fights that cause all sorts of scandals.
No, we’re talking about something much worse.
In fact, the way Cancers deal with bad relationships leads to a tremendous lose-lose situation. They simply wall off their partner.
You might think that this is pretty basic. You might think that this is essentially harmless.
After all, it’s pretty quiet. It seems like something that happens behind the scenes.
However, when you wall off somebody else, you’re not just damaging that person.
To be sure, you are damaging your relationship.
A good relationship is based on interplay. A good relationship is all about back-and-forth communication.
When you wall somebody off, you harm yourself because you are no longer emotionally functioning.
You’ve given up on your ability to communicate. You’ve given up on your relationship’s ability to heal both of you.
As a result, your partner ends up talking to a wall. If this happens enough times, both of you are damaged.
You’re damaged because you become numb inside. And your partner is damaged because they can’t improve because you’ve walled them off.
I hope you see why this leads to mutual emotional harm.
Unfortunately, Cancer men and women fall into this routine again and again.
When it comes to their relationships, Cancers start off the relationship with all sorts of high hopes. They come into it with all sorts of dreams and aspirations.
However, they’re not dumb. Once they see these red flags, instead of opening up and clearly communicating their needs and their expectations, they simply clam up.
They simply shut up and expect the worst from the relationship.
As I’ve mentioned earlier, you are a prisoner of your expectations. If you expect the worst, the worst will happen to you.
If you want to stop this pattern, you need to only ask two questions. If you want to stop repeating this bad romance novel, you only need to ask two things.
CAN YOU SAY EXACTLY WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND?
You have to ask yourself this question when you’re in a new relationship or when you’re in the middle of a relationship.
EVEN IF YOU ARE IN THE BEGINNING OF A RELATIONSHIP, YOU NEED TO ASK YOURSELF THIS QUESTION.
By asking yourself this question, you get a clear idea as to how free you are in the relationship.
Can you step out of your shell? Can you call a spade a spade?
If you can’t, then there are certain issues with that relationship.
You need to resolve these issues. Otherwise, you might end up falling into the same old pattern that ends up harming you time and time again.
It’s not fair for your partner, and it’s not fair for you.
If you ask this question, you can see immediately from the beginning whether the relationship will withstand the test of time.
Do You Feel Like You Have Nothing to Hide or Make Apologies For?
Cancer people like to put on a show.
They like to show the world that they have everything going on. They like to be the picture of stability.
However, if you peel back the tough outer shell, they’re a mess inside.
They have all sorts of insecurities. They often operate from a deep and profound sense of inadequacy.
If you’re a Cancer, you need to ask yourself whether you have anything to hide in your relationship.
If you feel that you can fully speak your mind and fully show your weaknesses, then chances are your relationship is built on solid ground.
However, if you feel that you always have to constantly walk on eggshells or if you feel like you have to put on a show, chances are your relationship may end up like your previous relationships.
The best news is that there is something you can do about it.
It’s not like a train wreck that you’re powerless to control. It’s not like a car accident that you can’t help but watch and suffer from.
You can step on the brakes. You can choose to open up and set the ground rules for your new relationship or possible relationship.
Happiness is a choice. Great relationships are a product of your will.
If you’re willing to put your emotional foot down and demand the kind of ground rules that would lead to a more solid relationship, you will eventually get the kind of relationship you deserve. /by Imelda Green